Coming home for a day.
Today I broke from the typical cycle of applying to a job and reading Nietzche (seriously this has been my week) and instead followed through with my mom's request to stop by home. It felt a bit gray as usual.
First, my parents were just dying for me to go to the bank and deposit the checks that I received at my graduation party last week. I think that's all they wanted from me really, but per usual, I guess the whole experience was essentially negative.
First, one thing I noticed is that every time any mention of my degree comes up, my mom has to take a negative spin on it:
Ex. Today our neighbor Kevin, a guy in his early 30s, was over, and as soon as I said I graduated and congratulated me, my mom had to chime in with, "BUT PROBABLY NOT DONE YET. SHE MAJORED IN ~PSSSYCHOLOGY~ so that means she needs to go back if she wants a job"
Frankly, it stings a bit that I can't just savor an accomplishment for 5 seconds without the negative chime in. I don't even know if I want people to know that I majored in psych at this rate.
Then Kevin left, and of course my mom starts nagging me again about how one of her dog walking friends said to apply at this random mortgage company in Marleston. "A job is a job, so might as well." The context was fairly hilarious too: "Just go upstairs and relax and also apply to Lifeway (idk) Mortgage." I called her out on her oxymoron and have not applied to Lifeway.
So after some of my mom's typical shopping event at TJ Maxx, which gave me a headache, I'm back here in this putrid room surrounded by a lot of junk I've accumulated over the years. I'm still trying to finish my year plus project of organizing everything in a way that I I kinda want to honestly get rid of a lot of it, but I still am not ready to let go of insights into the past and maybe happy memories associated with them. Sometimes I at least think that, but then I also remember that many of my last ten years living in this room, while secure, were a bit miserable. I'm not sure if I want to be reminded of high school or the days when Tina would write me nice post cards. I wish I had an attic to store away 90% of these things at this rate and start a new chapter of my life. I would also repaint the walls and rip out the carpet since much like before, these colors are starting to aesthetically displease me.
I'm torn as to whether I should write all the thank you cards for my graduation tonight or tomorrow. From there I need to read and clean up my greasy hair. This is very stream of thought, but I think I just decided that I will write the thank you notes tonight, and I will DISPOSE the ones I never handed out from my high school graduation immediately following. This will relieve me of the guilt I've been holding on to for a few years now hopefully.
Goodnight and sweet dreams,
Forever yours,
Jess
First, my parents were just dying for me to go to the bank and deposit the checks that I received at my graduation party last week. I think that's all they wanted from me really, but per usual, I guess the whole experience was essentially negative.
First, one thing I noticed is that every time any mention of my degree comes up, my mom has to take a negative spin on it:
Ex. Today our neighbor Kevin, a guy in his early 30s, was over, and as soon as I said I graduated and congratulated me, my mom had to chime in with, "BUT PROBABLY NOT DONE YET. SHE MAJORED IN ~PSSSYCHOLOGY~ so that means she needs to go back if she wants a job"
Frankly, it stings a bit that I can't just savor an accomplishment for 5 seconds without the negative chime in. I don't even know if I want people to know that I majored in psych at this rate.
Then Kevin left, and of course my mom starts nagging me again about how one of her dog walking friends said to apply at this random mortgage company in Marleston. "A job is a job, so might as well." The context was fairly hilarious too: "Just go upstairs and relax and also apply to Lifeway (idk) Mortgage." I called her out on her oxymoron and have not applied to Lifeway.
So after some of my mom's typical shopping event at TJ Maxx, which gave me a headache, I'm back here in this putrid room surrounded by a lot of junk I've accumulated over the years. I'm still trying to finish my year plus project of organizing everything in a way that I I kinda want to honestly get rid of a lot of it, but I still am not ready to let go of insights into the past and maybe happy memories associated with them. Sometimes I at least think that, but then I also remember that many of my last ten years living in this room, while secure, were a bit miserable. I'm not sure if I want to be reminded of high school or the days when Tina would write me nice post cards. I wish I had an attic to store away 90% of these things at this rate and start a new chapter of my life. I would also repaint the walls and rip out the carpet since much like before, these colors are starting to aesthetically displease me.
I'm torn as to whether I should write all the thank you cards for my graduation tonight or tomorrow. From there I need to read and clean up my greasy hair. This is very stream of thought, but I think I just decided that I will write the thank you notes tonight, and I will DISPOSE the ones I never handed out from my high school graduation immediately following. This will relieve me of the guilt I've been holding on to for a few years now hopefully.
Goodnight and sweet dreams,
Forever yours,
Jess
Comments
Post a Comment