"Barreling On"

Today I broke from the typical cycle of applying to a job and reading Nietzche (seriously this has been my week) and instead followed through with my mom's request to stop by home. It felt a bit gray as usual. First, my parents were just dying for me to go to the bank and deposit the checks that I received at my graduation party last week. I think that's all they wanted from me really, but per usual, I guess the whole experience was essentially negative. First, one thing I noticed is that every time any mention of my degree comes up, my mom has to take a negative spin on it: Ex.  Today our neighbor Kevin, a guy in his early 30s, was over, and as soon as I said I graduated and congratulated me, my mom had to chime in with, "BUT PROBABLY NOT DONE YET. SHE MAJORED IN ~PSSSYCHOLOGY~ so that means she needs to go back if she wants a job" Frankly, it stings a bit that I can't just savor an accomplishment for 5 seconds without the negative chime in. I don't e...

Yep, it's Wednesday already. I know that I need to stop feeling bad about myself, but it's been difficult. Yesterday, for example, was infuriating. I got up, forced myself to go to the library, and applied for a job at Drexel, not that Drexel thrills me. After spending four hours working on the application including writing a beautiful cover letter about some books that I love related to the research lab I would be working in, I was automatically parsed as "unqualified." I wish that I knew why, and I wish I didn't put all that effort in for nothing, but I guess that applies to a lot of things in my life already. I was upset afterwards and somehow managed to play Rogue Legacy until 2am. Oh, and that does not even account for the time I wasted on sporcle. I can confirm now that video games are not a good idea; I've been struggling to get out of bed for three hours now thanks to my exhaustion from *truly* fighting off skeletons and imps and demons in the cast...

It's a rainy Monday, and thus far today I haven't done much besides try to begin picking up the chaos in my apartment. It's been pretty gross. I left an unfinished pot of coffee on a side table in my living room, and so much mold grew on it that there was mold on top of mold. I think it goes to show how unsanitary it is to not have a dish washer that does a thoroughfare job at cleaning dishes.

It's Wednesday morning and 12:43AM, and I was just stricken with the privilege of knowing that I do not have to go into lab tomorrow morning. I should be excited. I've been seeking out some final camaraderie with the people I'm graduating with; it can be difficult to send text messages out at the stake of knowing that the last respond could be a good bye. I'm not so much upset at the prospect of my college years being over (as I know that they are not); rather, I find myself sad that there are so many opportunities next semester that I will be missing out on because I have to set sail. For instance, today I went to the Latin Honors ceremony. I was lonely at first there with no where to sit, contemplating whether I should have just left, and this really nice guy from one of my classes last semester, a philosophy major, let me sit at his table of fellow philosophy majors. To see some professors from my courses in that realm at the ceremony reminded me of how disappoin...