"Barreling On"

Today I broke from the typical cycle of applying to a job and reading Nietzche (seriously this has been my week) and instead followed through with my mom's request to stop by home. It felt a bit gray as usual. First, my parents were just dying for me to go to the bank and deposit the checks that I received at my graduation party last week. I think that's all they wanted from me really, but per usual, I guess the whole experience was essentially negative. First, one thing I noticed is that every time any mention of my degree comes up, my mom has to take a negative spin on it: Ex.  Today our neighbor Kevin, a guy in his early 30s, was over, and as soon as I said I graduated and congratulated me, my mom had to chime in with, "BUT PROBABLY NOT DONE YET. SHE MAJORED IN ~PSSSYCHOLOGY~ so that means she needs to go back if she wants a job" Frankly, it stings a bit that I can't just savor an accomplishment for 5 seconds without the negative chime in. I don't e...

Yep, it's Wednesday already. I know that I need to stop feeling bad about myself, but it's been difficult. Yesterday, for example, was infuriating. I got up, forced myself to go to the library, and applied for a job at Drexel, not that Drexel thrills me. After spending four hours working on the application including writing a beautiful cover letter about some books that I love related to the research lab I would be working in, I was automatically parsed as "unqualified." I wish that I knew why, and I wish I didn't put all that effort in for nothing, but I guess that applies to a lot of things in my life already. I was upset afterwards and somehow managed to play Rogue Legacy until 2am. Oh, and that does not even account for the time I wasted on sporcle. I can confirm now that video games are not a good idea; I've been struggling to get out of bed for three hours now thanks to my exhaustion from *truly* fighting off skeletons and imps and demons in the cast...

It's a rainy Monday, and thus far today I haven't done much besides try to begin picking up the chaos in my apartment. It's been pretty gross. I left an unfinished pot of coffee on a side table in my living room, and so much mold grew on it that there was mold on top of mold. I think it goes to show how unsanitary it is to not have a dish washer that does a thoroughfare job at cleaning dishes.

It's Wednesday morning and 12:43AM, and I was just stricken with the privilege of knowing that I do not have to go into lab tomorrow morning. I should be excited. I've been seeking out some final camaraderie with the people I'm graduating with; it can be difficult to send text messages out at the stake of knowing that the last respond could be a good bye. I'm not so much upset at the prospect of my college years being over (as I know that they are not); rather, I find myself sad that there are so many opportunities next semester that I will be missing out on because I have to set sail. For instance, today I went to the Latin Honors ceremony. I was lonely at first there with no where to sit, contemplating whether I should have just left, and this really nice guy from one of my classes last semester, a philosophy major, let me sit at his table of fellow philosophy majors. To see some professors from my courses in that realm at the ceremony reminded me of how disappoin...

Hello there, Today so far has been an absolutely terrible week accomplishment and food-wise. I have explicit goals to really reduce my eating and/or clean it up. I think to keep things light today, I'll try to only eat two eggs and maybe some green vegetables for dinner today. It's important that I do not act like this is an end all. Additionally, I think I could try to finish up at least a rough draft with my joint paper that I will use for the history of science and critical thinking. I feel like this is a high school leveled paper that I could do in my sleep, which would be good because I really need to move forward and get back on track. Tomorrow I will clean up my work in counseling psychology because I feel as though this is also easily accomplished. After that I feel like I could be free for a while. Showering and taking care of my health also need to come into play. So right now, for instance,  I know that deep down I am craving food on campus and fantasizing abou...

Hello There. I've decided to give blogging a second chance as it serves as a calming mechanism for me. I don't know who I used to be relative to now, but if it's worth it, I'll keep continuing. This is generally more of an online diary than it is useful information for now, but I may go back to philosophizing like I used to once I get through this hurdle in my life. xxx Today has been aggravating so far. I've been trying to following the general advice of "If it takes a minute to do it, do it now," and with that said, I decided to finally trudge over to the bank for the third time in the past two weeks to try to settle some issues that I've been facing because I accidentally deposited a fraudulent check. One minute I told myself. However, after the busy manager told me she'd speak with me after 15 minutes, I ended up waiting over an hour for service that took five minutes. I walked out reflecting on how based on the power dynamics, she must...